A Spiteful Person, People, Game Players

A spiteful person is one who is filled with and/or acts in ways that show spite. This type of person has a desire to vex, annoy, or injure other persons. A spiteful person is purposely and intentionally malignant and malicious.

I believe a spiteful person wants to hurt another person in order to feel better about himself or herself because of low self-esteem and/or as the result of some form of mental illness.

Spiteful people want to play mind games with other people.* These game players, as I call them, want to draw others into a “he said, she said” scenario** of one-upmanship, and then, play the role of the victim in order to gain sympathy from even more people in their pathetic attempt to get even more attention.
* ref: Why do some people play mind games with other people?
** ref: Heresy or hearsay

I do not get into those games when I am the target of a spiteful person. Generally, more often than not, I acknowledge and inform that person that he or she did something spiteful (although I do not use the word spiteful) to me, let them know that I did not understand why I had been a target of such, and ask him or her why he or she did it. If the spiteful person responds in such a way as to continue his or her spiteful way, I respond simply by no longer responding, i.e. I ignore the continued attempts to goad me into playing the game.

So the question is: How do you cure a spiteful person? Just click on that question to go over to read a web page that provides one answer.

Do you know what is especially difficult when it comes to this subject? Family. You can choose who to have as your friends; but, you cannot choose who is related to you by blood or marriage. Now the question becomes one that is about: “How to Cope With Spiteful Family Members.” As before, just click on the topic and follow the embedded hyperlink to go over to read a web page that provides several approaches in response to the troublesome, problematic situation.


About Roland Louis Hansen

I have been: an organization development consultant; a college-level instructor of political science, psychology, and sociology; a public administrator; a social worker; an elected official; a political operative; a community activist; a union official; a shoe salesman and manager, a factory worker; a fast food restaurant employee; and, a custodian.
This entry was posted in Commentary, Communication, Family, Friends, General, People, Personal, Psychology, Sociology, Websites. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to A Spiteful Person, People, Game Players

  1. Elaine says:

    This was really helpful to me, thank you!


  2. Lisa says:

    Approaching this particular person is no longer an option.

    I moved in with a new roommate in Jan., long story short after just a couple month of crazy, harassment, controlling, and stalking me, she began smoking in the apt. The landlord set up a meeting with she and I, at which point he told her that her behavior must stop (she is mentally ill, paranoid, alcoholic, and currently on methadone. She also drove out her last roommate), and she is fully aware that smoking inside is not allowed. She apologized and began crying, at which point I gave her another opportunity. The smoking got completely out of control and (about a month) after the meeting. So I moved out before the beginning of the next month, but I am still in the same complex and it does not make sense for me to leave because my daughter also lives her and I babysit for her while she is at work and I work for the landlord. However, my ex-roommate is being very spiteful. She leaves notes on the door telling us we are not allowed to do things (her rules not the landlords). For example, there is a walkway out our back sliding door and a path with two gates. These allow access so we do not have to climb stairs. Many neighbors us it and she didn’t care that I used it when I lived with her, but now she is saying it is not allowed and we must stop. I do not have a car and I take a 1 and 3 year old shopping. When I come back with a stroller, two kids, and bags of groceries, it is crazy to climb 3 flights of stairs when it is a straight short walk through the gate. She doesn’t like the fact that we walk pass her apt. on the way. Trust me I would go another way if it meant avoiding contact with her. (The police and housing people have said to avoid contact with her at this point, she is not a reasonable person). I usually save her notes but do not respond to them. (the notes are being left on my daughters door since I babysit for her and am at her apt during the day frequently). She called the landlord (which she does frequently throughout the week about all sorts of stuff) and he told her that I do not have to comply with her, that the walk ways are there for that purpose. Now she is locking the gate behind us when we leave which is not only harassing me, but the painters and other neighbors who use the gate. there was a string to pull to get back in and she took it off so the gate cannot be opened from the outside. The landlord is being fully supportive, however, he is not sure how to deal with her because she is menially ill and anytime she has any issues (getting fired or kicked out of any place she claims that its because she is disabled. The gate is just the latest thing. It is not stop. When I walk out my apt. or my daughters she bursts out of her door and laughs saying things like, “your pathetic, spying on peoples private conversations.” Any time she sees us she starts yelling or talking at us. We ignore it and continue about our business.


  3. laura says:

    my daughter is highly intelligent and VERY spiteful. I’ve gone out of my way to give her everything I could and now that she is a senior in college she is still saying and doing things to hurt me. Conversations with her are difficult, as I feel she has no respect for me and is very self absorbed. I hope your tactics help us.


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