Abandoned Parents

Many people are aware of the issue of abandoned children, but how many people are aware of abandoned parents, i.e. parents who have been abandoned by their adult children?

When a parent is left out of the life of an adult child, the parent is left with the feeling of being stabbed in the heart.

The occurence of grown-up adult children abandoning a parent or parents is more common than is realized by many people. It is difficult for any parent in such a situation, but is even more difficult for older parents aged 60 and over because of the already prevalent feelings of aloneness, loneliness, and/or social isolation that hits older adults.
Read When children abandon their parents from the website of Starts at 60.

I hope you have read each of the articles above to which I have placed embedded links.
Here is a thought-provoking except from another article that I have read online:

Hardly anything is more heartbreaking than having one or more of our adult children simply disappear from our lives for no apparent reason. Yes, it seems inconceivable but it happens a lot more often than we think. The cruel grief of such a loss is often more than any of us parents can bear. Even the idea of such losses sounds absurd and can send most of us packing. The sadness and possible shame we bear is not something we discuss idly with fellow parents, many of whom are enjoying seemingly rich connections to their adult kids and grandkids.

Go on over to read the entire article, Unspeakable: When our Adult Children want Nothing to do with us.

When Adult Children ‘Divorce’ Their Parents is yet another interesting article I read on the internet. You may read that entire article by following the embedded link contained within its title. Here are some excerpts from that article:

Papers aren’t filed, and no judge hears the case, but more and more adult children are divorcing their parents, often completely cutting off contact. What’s driving the increase in parent-child estrangement? Professionals who work with families have some ideas, and thousands of individuals have shared their experiences online.
… parents who are estranged are older than one might expect, with over one-third falling into the 70-80 age group.
… Reasons for conflicts with adult children vary. Some adult children have severed relationships with parents due to traumatic childhoods: They were abused or grew up with parents who were alcoholics or drug users.
Occasionally, family disputes have erupted over money. In the majority of cases, however, the reasons for estrangement are not so clear cut. Still, certain themes occur over and over in commentary from adult children who have divorced their parents.
“You Weren’t a Good Parent.”
“You Broke Up Our Family.”
“You Still See Me as A Child.”
“We Don’t Have the Same Values.”
“You’re a Toxic Person.”

It seems that this type of thing of adult children “casting parents aside” was much less prevalent in preceding generations. I am of the opinion that people from my generation and those preceding me had closer relationships with their parents.  I am so glad that throughout my life, I initiated and maintained contact with my parents and grandparents (now long ago deceased, may they rest in peace) on a regular and frequent basis. While I know there are exceptions, it seems to me that, generally speaking, more often than not, young and middle-age adults today pretty much exclude their parents.

In 2015, actor J. K. Simmons won his first Oscar for his role in the movie “Whiplash.”
In an unusually moving personal moment at the Oscar ceremonies, during his acceptance speech, Mr. Simmons encouraged viewers to call their parents if they have any living ones remaining. He stated, in part:
“Call your mom, call your dad. If you are lucky enough to have a parent or two alive on this planet, call them.
Don’t text, don’t e-mail.
Call them on the phone. Tell them you love them and thank them and will be to them for as long as they want to talk to you.”


About Roland Louis Hansen

I have been: an organization development consultant; a college-level instructor of political science, psychology, and sociology; a public administrator; a social worker; an elected official; a political operative; a community activist; a union official; a shoe salesman and manager, a factory worker; a fast food restaurant employee; and, a custodian.
This entry was posted in Commentary, Family, Quotations, Sociology, Websites. Bookmark the permalink.

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